Be A Vine

My friend, Edith, sent me a book of Lenten meditations this spring. It's called "Organic God" and is written by Kate Moorehead who was Edith's priest at St. James Episcopal Church in Wichita. She had sent me one of Kate's books for Advent and knew I enjoyed reading it as a daily spiritual discipline. Likewise I've enjoyed this Lenten book. Using the words of Jesus, Kate explores spiritual themes from an organic aspect using nature as her metaphor. One meditation that really caught my interest was the one on Sunday which explores the vine as a metaphor for discerning God's will. Searching for and interpreting God's will for my life has been a struggle. I never seem to quite 'get it.' And from what Kate writes, I'm not alone! As she explains it, God's will isn't a problem to be solved or a guessing game to win or lose. The fullness of God's grace and being allows us such freedom that almost anything we do...as long as it is rooted in Christ...is what makes Him happy and what He will support. There is no one right answer. This is rather like what Ignatius of Loyola suggests as well...that God gives us imagination and inspiration and ideas. And He expects us to use them! Kate uses the metaphor of the vine to explain this. Vines grow in any direction, on almost any surface. They are strong and versatile. Faced with a rock or a steep surface, they will find a way to survive and thrive, as long as they stay attached and rooted to the main stem of the plant. If we are the vine and Christ is the stem, we can grow and thrive and explore all our imaginings and inspirations if we always stay firmly rooted and attached to Him. As simple as this is---this is God's will.

My Friend

My friend, who is my age, has wanted to be a priest since she was a little girl. All through her life God kept nudging her towards the priesthood. He even talked the Episcopal church into ordaining women to help her out! Like the rest of us, she always had reasons that it couldn't be God whose plan this was. After all, seminary would be too hard, too expensive, too time-consuming. She was a wife....a mom...not a student. And most recently came the biggest excuse of all..."I'm too old." I was with her at a retreat the weekend that God not only nudged her, but poked her hard in the ribs and slapped her up side of her head. "Yes!" I said, "you should go for it." And she did  She started the process and is now in seminary. She's going to be a marvelous priest! She's smart, loving, open and compassionate. She's deeply spiritual and fiercely committed to living a life in Christ. I'm very proud of her. Here's my question, though. Why is so easy to see God's plan for other peoples' lives, yet so hard to discern His will for mine? Anyone have an answer?

Choosing to Say Yes

It's the 4th Sunday of Advent, and I've been watching and waiting and preparing for a month. Finally, I can begin to celebrate Christmas! Part of my preparation for Christmas this year has been participation in an online Advent workshop called "Birthing the Holy." During Week 1 we were challenged to 'Awaken' fully to Advent and consider what it means to be truly awake to God in our lives. Week 2 we began 'The Journey' to the holy. Last week we considered the 'Darkness' in our lives and how moving into darkness prepares us for moving into the light. This week the theme is 'Saying Yes.' How important it is to say yes to God when He opens a door for us or asks something of us! Even if He asks us to do something scary or opens a door into the unknown, the answer must be yes. Think of it... if Mary had not chosen to say yes to God, would we even be celebrating this wondrous season? Oh sure, God could probably have found another virgin teenager about to be married to an older man she hardly knew who was willing to be pregnant out of wedlock and carry His child. And then watch that precious child be mocked, humiliated and crucified by people who once adored him. But God didn't ask that other teenage girl. He asked Mary and she chose to say Yes! Inspite of the humilation, the fear of rejection, and the pain, she said yes to God. And the rest, as they say, is history...Biblical history, at least. If Mary was courageous enough to make this choice, can I do any lesswhen God asks?  Choose to say yes. If you need a bit of encouragement, here's a 'Prayer for Choosing' by Jan Richardson:
A Prayer for Choosing

What we choose
changes us.

Who we love
transforms us.

How we create
remakes us.

Where we live
reshapes us.

So in all our choosing,
O God, make us wise;

in all our loving,
O Christ, make us bold;

in all our creating,
O Spirit, give us courage;

in all our living
may we become whole
 
You might enjoy her blogs: The Advent Door and The Painted Prayerbook
 
I took the photo of the Virgin in the Abbey Church at Conques last September.

Trust

There's a line in a prayer attributed to Mother Teresa that says:

  "May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be."

How easy that is to do and how hard! It's easy now; I'm in the midst of a great adventure, excited and full of anticipation for the future. How hard that was just six months ago as I sat here feeling stuck, forgotten and unheard by God. What happened between there and here? Lots of prayer, lots of perseverance, and lots of trust. I wasn't always successful in maintaining the tranquility of mind that I was exactly where God wanted me. I did my share of whining...both to God and to others. I admit I got tired of trusting. I wanted a sign, some action, something to let me know that God was working on my dreams or if not, then what His plan for me was. It all happened, but in God's time, not mine. Pray, persevere, and trust.

Go...

Outside the window the world waits. I've come to Christ. I've prayed and studied. I've worshipped and praised. The Eucharist has replenished my soul and any empty spots inside have been filled with God. Now it's time to live into the rest of the story. It's time to take God into the world, to live a Christ-centered life, to put my faith into action. During my Cursillo weekend, there were many talks that focused on action...what to do with faith. Some people I know do mission trips to Mexico or Africa. Others teach Sunday School, help with vacation Bible school, or are youth group sponsors. Some work in the church's outreach missions in domestic violence, the food pantry, or the faith garden. I've struggled with finding my action. What is the outreach that I am most suited for? What can I do in the world for Christ with a passion?  There are many opportunities, but no clear choice for me.

Yet, every time I worship, I'm exhorted at the end of the service to: "Go forth to love and serve the Lord!" There's even a sign as I exit the parking lot that echoes this reminder...that I'm entering the world, my mission field.

Go forth to love and serve the Lord. How do you take Christ into the world? How has God blessed and empowered your action?

Come...

"Come and see," Jesus invites in John1:39 and 47. Yes, come and see what Jesus is all about. Again in Matthew 11:28 he says "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens..." Again he invites. Part of my weekend at Cursillo was about this invitation. I was invited to learn more about Christ and living a Christ-centered life. I was given the tools to do this through piety, study, the sacraments, worship, song and prayer. I explored grace; I crafted ideals for my life and prayed them into reality. I learned to look through the wavy, opaque and convoluted ways of the world to see the crystal clear image of Christ beyond them. I relinquished control of my agenda and my world that weekend to come to Christ as my true self created by God the Father...vulnerable, open and willing. It's a simple invitation that we find so hard to accept....Come!

The Parable of the Goats

Yesterday as Lucie and I were on our walk, we heard a strange crying sound. We had heard it briefly the day before at the same place on the road. It sounded a bit like a child in distress. I immediately began listening closer...was it a child? If so, should I investigate? Could it be the youngster who lives up the hill in the old farmhouse? I began making my intervention plan.. Then I listened closer. No, not a child. Maybe an amorous cat? I could ignore that. Maybe it's one of the neighbors calves, maybe it's caught someplace. More thoughts swirled in my head. I started formulating another plan. As we turned the corner, I was still deep in thought, pondering next steps, when out of the woods popped a herd of little goats! Surprise! Lucie barked, I yelped, the goats bleated and cried before running away down the road. I quickly recovered my composure, grabbed Lucie, and soon the little guys came back to have their heads rubbed and to nuzzle for food. Surprise...that funny sound was goats! Who would have thought that? I'd never seen goats anywhere along this road.

Isn't life a bit like my goat story? You have a problem to solve. You ponder, you think, you worry and fret. You make plan after plan. You lose sight of the here-and-now because you're so engrossed in figuring out your issue. Then out of the blue....God surprises you with what He wants, His plan. His surprise is often better than anything you have even imagined. His surprise is always the right answer to the dilemma. Sometimes His surprise is simply a wake up call to remind you that you are not in charge here....He is. No one says you shouldn't work to solve problems or have goals to achieve. But the moral to this parable is you should always leave yourself willing and open to be surprised by God. What surprises does God have in store for you today?

Looking for the Way

Have you ever been here before? No, I don't mean looking up at the causse along the Lot River in southwest France; I mean at that point in your life when you face something that seems almost insurmountable? When Way appears blocked or so difficult that even starting on the path takes more energy than you think you have. You need to continue your journey; where do you go from here? I feel as if I'm at this place. I'm seeking the open door, the Way I'm supposed to go. I've read Parker Palmer's book, "Let Your Life Speak" over and over. I get it... doors open, doors close. The Way forward appears or the Way behind closes and is no longer an option. Well, here I am and nothing! I know some doors that have closed, but I'll be darned if I can find a door that is opening! I've read, I've talked with people, I've explored options, I've thought and thought until I feel about brain dead. I've prayed and sat listening in Centering Prayer, I've looked for clues in Scripture, I've inventoried my gifts, talents, and abilities and objectively identified my limits. Today I have an appointment with a woman who does pastoral counseling for clergy and also Spiritual Direction. Mary, my priest, suggested I speak with her about discerning my path and possibly exploring pilgrimage. I'm open to her ideas and thoughts. Hopefully, God will speak to me through her wisdom.

Words of Wisdom for Lazarus

The mist is beginning to clear from my brain and my heart is starting to 'get it.' My world turned upside down this week and for a brief moment, I wondered just where God was in all this turmoil. Today as I read my daily meditation by Father Keating, I began to see more clearly how He works. The question Fr. Keating poses is: what illness did Lazarus die from? And his answer is: his false self. Jesus did not intervene sooner because Lazarus' false self had to die before he could be transformed. The false self is the part of us that hangs onto "security, survival, affection & esteem, power & control, and from overidentifcation with a particular group or role." Lazarus represents me, living in the "Night of Spirit who feels imprisoned and forgotten by God." So what does God do? He lets the false self die and then "calls to me to come out of the darkness, confinement, loneliness, dereliction and grief." I was beginning to think God wanted me stuck here, in this place that is so NOT me doing things that make my spirit so sad, when really He didn't. So, He turned my life inside out and called to me, "Come out!" I'm excited and ready to respond.

Prepare the Way

The Advent readings this week are from the prophets. "Prepare ye the way of the Lord!" Isaiah 40:3-5 tells us that a voice cries this in the wilderness. Malachi 3:1..."Behold, I send my messenger to prepare the way.." The Gospels quote these prophets of old as well and add their own stories exhorting people to prepare for the Lord. Matthew tells Jesus' parable of the maidens who went to the wedding feast unprepared and slept, missing the bridegroom when he came. Luke begins his Gospel with the story of John who came before Jesus to prepare the way for the Word of God. Preparation, it seems, is a very important part of Advent. How do we normally prepare for the birth of Christ? We bake, we decorate, we send greetings to friends. We shop and party and generally get caught up in the swirl of holiday fun. Is this how God wants us to prepare? Is this what the prophets had in mind? I believe, that while God doesn't have a problem with this superficial activity, He really means for us to go much deeper, to cleanse our hearts and souls, and to meditate on His word. Elizabeth's Saturday evening homily likened it to deep cleaning your home before you have houseguests. Your guests will poke in the closets, raid your refrigerator, and notice if the bathroom isn't sparkling. All those hidden places better be clean and free from the detritus of worldly living! God knows all those hidden places of your spirit. Are they clean and sparkling? Are they cluttered with worldly junk? As I prepare for Christmas, my deep cleaning includes my Centering Prayer practice and learning about lectio divina. How are you deep cleaning your spirit this Christmas?

This Virgin and Babe are part of one of my Christmas creches.

The Right Door?

A door has opened in my life very unexpectedly. I blogged about it yesterday over at "Musings from Red Bell Farm." I've been praying quite a bit lately for God's will for my life to be made more clear. This door is not the answer I expected...or wanted. It's a bit disappointing and actually feels like it is taking me even further away from my dreams, entangling me even more in something that is neither fulfilling nor moving me toward what I really want to do. It's not something, however, that I have much choice about, so I accepted its challenge, graciously on the outside; not so graciously on the inside! I guess this is where the going gets tough, huh? It's easy to be faithful when life is going my way and much harder when it's not. I want to believe that God is leading me in the best direction, that He has glorious plans, that my dreams will come true. I want to believe... Like the father of the child possessed by the unclean spirit, I cry "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

I listened to a tele-conference last night that is facilitated by my friends, Deb and Rita. It was one in a series based on "The Course in Miracles." This one was about finding one's purpose in life. The statement that hit home with me was: There is love and there is fear. Only one is real and that's love. If it's God's purpose for me to be happy, then absolutely the only thing that's real is love. Fear keeps me from happiness; love encourages happiness. My last blog entry referenced a ministry that I've been asked to accept. I meet with Elizabeth this afternoon to discuss what mentoring a young Confirmand will require of me. I think God spoke to me last evening through Deb and Rita's presentation on purpose. I will view this decision through the eyes of love, not fear. And I will be back to let you know what my decision is.



Photo: Mount of the Holy Cross in Colorado taken last week.

Strengthen Me...

"Strengthen me, O Lord, with your holy spirit..."
Elizabeth has asked me to do a really hard thing. She would like me to sign on as an adult sponsor for one of the young confirmands currently studying to become a confirmed member of the Episcopal Church next May. Being a sponsor would mean meeting with my confirmand a half dozen times during the next few months, engaging them in conversation about their faith (Elizabeth will provide me with the 'conversation-starter' questions) and attending a church service with him/her at a church other than an Episcopal one. I can certainly make the time to do this. So what's the big deal?? The idea of working with kids and being a faith role model terrifies me! Although I love kids, their curiosity, their energy..I've never thought of myself as being particularly good at relating to them. I keep having flashbacks to teaching Jr.-Sr. Sunday school class when Sunni and Scott were in those grades. It was SO hard and I vowed to never put myself thru that misery again! Middle school was a hard time with Travis...I wasn't sure either of us would survive his 'smart mouth' so typical of those early teen years. And, I keep hearing echoes of past criticism of my skills with kids from someone whom I believed was correct in his assessment. Then there's my almost total lack of knowledge about what it means to be Episcopal...actually the kids could teach me a lot! I've thought about this; I've prayed about it. Elizabeth and I will talk about whether I'm the right person for this service to God, for this ministry. In the meantime, I'll continue to ask God for His direction.

God's Message

I've been struggling with making a decision about an opportunity that I've been offered. I'm so fearful of making the wrong move, of doing something that will cause me to fail and end up on welfare or even worse, a bag lady! My heart tells me to take the giant leap of faith that this decision demands and see what happens. My heart just sings when I think of the doors this decision might open. Then my mind gets involved and starts with all the 'what ifs' and negative talk. Does this make financial sense? What if you use up all your money and need something?Does this make your future more secure? In these economic times can you afford to risk a good job and security? It's been an endless tug-of-war. Today my daily Lenten email arrived bright and early in my inbox. It was the loaves and fishes story from Christ's ministry. Here's what it said:

"It hasn't ended yet, Jesus assured them. Just wait and see. Trust me.
Sometimes, you have to start your good thing, even if you don't have a specific plan. Sometimes you just have to do the good thing right now, even if you don't know how you're going to finish it, even if you don't have all the pieces yet. Even if you don't know what all the pieces are.

Ask, and the Lord will provide."

I think God is trying to tell me that this opportunity is the 'good thing' that I need to start, that I need to trust him and if I ask, he will provide. Not sure just how this will work...I 'don't know what all the pieces are.' But I do trust him and I will take this leap of faith.

"The Blood of Christ; the Cup of Salvation"

Last night I served God at the 5pm service of the Holy Eucharist. I read from Genesis, directed others to read the Psalm with me, and served the 'blood of Christ, the cup of salvation' during the Holy Eucharist. It was a privilege and a sacred, intimate way to not only serve God, but also to serve my community of faith. I'm so glad I was asked. This past week I read a meditation from a book of Lay Eucharistic Minister's meditations that said the church looks different from the other side of the altar rail. And it did. To me, this view completes my picture of God...looking one way, I see the cross, the altar, the priest and God's light and word. Looking the other way, I see the face of God's community of faith...the church... and the work of God in the world. One view completes the other.

The reading from Genesis was about God's covenant with Abraham and His directions to both Abraham and Sarah which came so late in their lives. Elizabeth preached about this...how difficult it must have been for Abraham at age 99 to follow God's will for his life and to become a father when Sarah at age 90 bore him a child. I fret a lot about being too old to follow my dreams. Maybe I should heed these words from the Old Testament and rest in the knowledge that with God all things are possible.

A Theme of Solitude

It seems that God has theme going on for me this weekend. At yesterday's prayer group, I discussed what solitude means to me in the context of making intentional time to be with God on a routine basis. Our study book, "Out of Solitude" referenced verses in the New Testament, Mark 1:32-39. Last evening Elizabeth's homily was based on these same verses including verses 29-31. And like our study group, Elizabeth focused not on the miracles of healing, but on the short quiet sentence in between the action which tells us that Jesus left the group and went away, alone, to pray. Again the theme was taking time to be with God in solitude. She expanded on this theme to include being balanced in all of our lives by not only taking time to be with God, but also taking time to replenish our minds and bodies emotionally and physically. Last night I picked up another of Nouwen's books, "The Way of the Heart" that speaks about the spirituality of the desert Fathers and Mothers. Again...solitude was front and center, this time explaining the need for those in the ministry to withdraw from the world periodically to get in touch with God again.

I'm astute enough to realize that God is sending me a message here; I don't have a clue what it means. I'll continue to read and study, tho, and seek His meaning for me in this theme.