Holy Saturday

It's Holy Saturday. The cross is empty. Outside it's raining; the skies are heavy and gray. I read the service for this day in my Book of Common Prayer. There are no hymns of joy, there are no prayers of the people. We pray only the Lord's Prayer. The focus this day is Christ. It's a day of mourning for him, and a day of awaiting his resurrection tomorrow. It's a day to think about him, his suffering and his sacrifice, not about my worries and wants. As I meditate on Sainte Foy's flickering candle, I sense that even her normally exuberant self is subdued and quiet this day. She, with all the other saints and angels of heaven, will spend these last hours of Holy Week mourning the earthly death of Christ by sitting in quiet meditation and prayer. The angel choir will not sing today; the saints will not march. On this day heaven holds its breath and waits with me for the joy that comes in the morning.

Colloquy

I learned a new word this week as I continued to experience the Ignatian Prayer Adventure for Lent: colloquy.  A colloquy is an intimate conversation with God, Jesus or one of the saints at the end of your prayer time. Conversing with God and Jesus, I'm familiar with, but being a Protestant, I've never really conversed in prayer with a saint. Until I came to the Episcopal church, I'm not sure I even was much aware of saints. But having a conversation with a saint is appealing, and I've been giving it some thought. Which of the many hundreds of saints might I speak with? Here in France, the Virgin is, of course, the most popular of the saints with St. Joan of Arc and St. Therese of Lisieux running close in second place. But which saints speak to my heart? St. Jacques is my favorite. St. Jacques, the saint of the chemin or the camino. The saint of pilgrims and of seekers. And what would I say to him? "Please intercede on my behalf with the Holy Father to heal my knee, so that I, too, can walk the way to Santiago de Compostelle."

St. Foy is also a favorite. I first met her in Conques. You can see by her photo that many others pray to her as well. Her story is amazing; I've blogged about her in the past. I continue to be pulled into her mystery. I'm reading "Little Saint" by Hannah Green right now...for the third time!....because Foy has called me again to come to her. As I pray to her, my question would be "Why? why do I feel so drawn to you and your abbey church in Conques? What are you asking me to do?" When I think about St. Foy, her matrydom, and her miracles, I don't really envision her as she's shown in her chapel at Conques...all gilded and grown-up looking. My favorite image of her is as she's depicted in the church tympanum...a young girl kneeling in prayer and asking for God's blessing on her people.

Setting the Right Mood

I almost always play music while I read my daily devotions or worship with Morning Prayer. Along with lighting candles, music helps me set the proper mood for my time with God. I frequently play Vox de Nube, a CD that I bought online from the Glenstal Abbey. It has an even more powerful version of this beautiful song based on the Beatitudes. I love that the single female voice, Noirin Ni Riain, lifts above and beyond the voices of the men, almost as if she's singing a separate prayer that wafts towards God.

Blood of Christ

"Blood of Christ, inebriate me."

From the ancient prayer, Anima Christi.

An Ignatian Prayer Adventure

Even though I'm an Episcopalian, I often use Catholic online resources to help me deepen my spirituality and keep me in touch with a worshiping community when I'm far from my own church. I find Ignatian spirituality especially rich. How the Jesuits view God resonates with my own simple faith. This Lenten season I'm using the Ignation prayer adventure as an online retreat for my daily discipline. Using the Examen prayer as taught by St.Ignatius of Loyola, it will help me recognize God's gifts and His presence in my life and help me discern His purpose. My goal is to become what Ignatius calls 'spiritually free.' Free of any worldly attachments that keep me separated from my Creator.

Easter Art and Music

I've been away from St. Timothy's and my faith community for both of the holiest celebrations of the church year...Christmas and Easter. Being on my own, though, has made me dig even deeper to find ways to connect with my faith. I've used online resources to keep me in touch spiritually....retreats, devotionals, study groups. Yesterday I shared praying the Stations of the Cross with Mary. Today, I prayed the Stations with another web-based Jesuit community called Pray As You Go. Each of the  10 Stations are illustrated with a piece of Renaissance art and beautiful sacred music along with a Jesuit contemplation and prayer. It's interesting to me that I was touched differently by these two different websites. Each, though, was deeply meaningful. This Station called "The Good Thief" was my favorite on this site.

Stations of the Cross With Mary

This year my Lenten discipline has been to "Pray Lent" every day with the Creighton University Online Ministries site. Although not Episcopalian (Creighton is a Jesuit Catholic university), the liturgy and lessons are similiar, and I've been comforted, challenged, and inspired by these daily devotions. Lent is over. It is now the Holy Days of the Paschal mystery. Today being Good Friday seems the right time to pray the Stations of the Cross.This year I've chosen to pray them with Mary, Mother of Jesus. As a mother, to see the crucifixion of Jesus through Mary's eyes has been a powerful and moving experience for me. What mother can't relate to the feelings and emotions she must have had as she watched her beloved son mocked and scorned, beaten and finally crucified unto death? I invite you to pray the Stations with Mary. Click here to access the Creighton site.

The Breath of God

I'm in the midst of an online class entitled "Praying with the Elements: Water,Wind, Earth & Fire." The first element we've explored is Wind. Wind is the physical manifestation of the Breath of God which created us all, which surrounds us and sustains our lives. Without Breath/Air/Wind, we cease to exist. How much I take for granted this life-sustaining gift from God! The Divine Presence in the Wind is life giving and inspiring, or it can be the whirlwind of life's storms and sorrows. In all forms, though, it is God-With-Us. Occasionally, the Breath takes a visual form like these puffy, wind-inflated clouds over Cadrieu. Sometimes it can be seen in swirling leaves, billowing sails, or soaring birds. Let yourself be reminded each time you see such images that this, indeed, is the Breath of God cradling you and making your life possible.

As I read Christine's book that accompanies this class, there are many Biblical and scholarly references to wind and the Breath of God. My favorite (for today anyway!) is from Theophilus of Antioch:
   

"God has given to the earth the breath which feeds it. It is his breath that gives life to all things. And if he were to withhold his breath, everything would be annihilated. His breath vibrates in yours, in your voice. It is the breath of God that you breathe--and you are unaware of it."

Be aware always; God breathes in you.

Choosing to Say Yes

It's the 4th Sunday of Advent, and I've been watching and waiting and preparing for a month. Finally, I can begin to celebrate Christmas! Part of my preparation for Christmas this year has been participation in an online Advent workshop called "Birthing the Holy." During Week 1 we were challenged to 'Awaken' fully to Advent and consider what it means to be truly awake to God in our lives. Week 2 we began 'The Journey' to the holy. Last week we considered the 'Darkness' in our lives and how moving into darkness prepares us for moving into the light. This week the theme is 'Saying Yes.' How important it is to say yes to God when He opens a door for us or asks something of us! Even if He asks us to do something scary or opens a door into the unknown, the answer must be yes. Think of it... if Mary had not chosen to say yes to God, would we even be celebrating this wondrous season? Oh sure, God could probably have found another virgin teenager about to be married to an older man she hardly knew who was willing to be pregnant out of wedlock and carry His child. And then watch that precious child be mocked, humiliated and crucified by people who once adored him. But God didn't ask that other teenage girl. He asked Mary and she chose to say Yes! Inspite of the humilation, the fear of rejection, and the pain, she said yes to God. And the rest, as they say, is history...Biblical history, at least. If Mary was courageous enough to make this choice, can I do any lesswhen God asks?  Choose to say yes. If you need a bit of encouragement, here's a 'Prayer for Choosing' by Jan Richardson:
A Prayer for Choosing

What we choose
changes us.

Who we love
transforms us.

How we create
remakes us.

Where we live
reshapes us.

So in all our choosing,
O God, make us wise;

in all our loving,
O Christ, make us bold;

in all our creating,
O Spirit, give us courage;

in all our living
may we become whole
 
You might enjoy her blogs: The Advent Door and The Painted Prayerbook
 
I took the photo of the Virgin in the Abbey Church at Conques last September.

Down to the River

I was down to the river this morning just as the sun was peeking over the causse...

There I sang my morning prayer, accompanied only by the rustling of the dry, frosty leaves as the dogs sought out a frozen scent and by the silently flowing river carrying hunks of ice downstream.

 A single voice, singing to God..

"By the Rivers of Babylon"

in the cold.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Zion!"

Hour By Hour

Connecting spiritually in France hasn't been a problem; connecting to my spiritual practice, however, has taken me awhile. Just getting used to being in a new place with a new routine disrupted my practice of morning devotions. I wasn't able to pack my Bible due to its size and weight. I've coped by finding my Forward Day-by-Day devotions online and have used an online Bible site to read the verses indicated for each day. Before I left Des Moines, my friend, Karen, gave me her prayer book, 'Hour By Hour'. The small, slender volume fit perfectly in my carry-on bag. This little book helps me 'pray the hours' in the morning, at noon, in the evening, and at compline. It's been the tool that's been the most helpful in getting me back into a spiritual routine. While I don't think I can make weekly worship happen, praying both 'hour by hour' and when I hear the village church bells chime will keep me connected and grounded in God.Thank you, Karen, for being God's instrument in my life!

Listen

In the cool, dark pre-dawn, I sit at my table and listen to the fog and last night's rain condense into droplets that splat against the leaves of the big oak tree outside the open door. Crickets churr shrilly, a last chorus before sunrise. Close by in the creek bottoms, I hear the hoot of a sleepy owl...once, twice...four times. I'm reminded to be still, to be silent, to listen and hear God's silent prayer. A cow bellows; a crow caws for its friend. In the distance I hear a car wind up through its gears headed for work. Under it all, God's voice is there. Even through the world's daily business, it can be heard if I stop and get quiet, if I go inside and listen with my heart open. In the midst of crossing things off my 'to do' list, working through the final preparations for my trip, and worrying about things both in my control and beyond it, God reminds me that if I'll stop, be still and listen, I can hear his magnificence in the splat of a rain drop, the soft hoot of a sleepy owl, in his caw and his bellow. Listen! 

Trust

There's a line in a prayer attributed to Mother Teresa that says:

  "May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be."

How easy that is to do and how hard! It's easy now; I'm in the midst of a great adventure, excited and full of anticipation for the future. How hard that was just six months ago as I sat here feeling stuck, forgotten and unheard by God. What happened between there and here? Lots of prayer, lots of perseverance, and lots of trust. I wasn't always successful in maintaining the tranquility of mind that I was exactly where God wanted me. I did my share of whining...both to God and to others. I admit I got tired of trusting. I wanted a sign, some action, something to let me know that God was working on my dreams or if not, then what His plan for me was. It all happened, but in God's time, not mine. Pray, persevere, and trust.

Monk Manifesto

While my weekend Cursillo experience taught me about the joy of living in community, I am basically a monastic at heart. Quiet contemplation and solitude are what soothe my soul. Both Benedictine and Ignatian rules of life attract me with their balance of quiet, contemplation, hospitality, and action in the world. I love the structure of their rules. Benedictines sing the Psalms 6 or 7 times a day. Those following St. Ignatius 'examine' their lives daily to identify where God was present, thank Him for His blessings and ask for His grace in the day to come. They pray and meditate with vivid imagination. I read a blog called Abbey of the Arts written by Christine Valters Paintner who is a contemporary monk and a Benedictine oblate. She has challenged her readers to read and sign her "Monk Manifesto." I've not only signed it, but I'm also receiving her 7-day free Monk in the World e-course, a daily email with a reflection, a meditation and a prayer blessing. Although I can't live in this beautiful cloister at the St. Etienne Church in Cahors, I can live as a 'monk in the world' here at Red Bell Farm.

Prayer Traps

Along with the love letters I received during my Cursillo weekend, I also received numerous prayer cards, pocket crosses and coins and other Christian 'doo dads.' You see them here on my little Charley Brown Christmas tree that sits perpetually in my hallway. It was naked, so I clothed it in prayer reminders which we learned during one of our talks can be referred to as 'prayer traps.' They are reminders placed in strategic places that encourage us to pray. My tree is festooned with a purple lei that tells me Iowa Cursillistas are praying for our weekend, a tiny skateboard that says Jesus, numerous cards with Bible verses and inspirational thoughts, bracelets, a key chain, necklaces of De Colores, etc. Each time I pass my tree, I seek out one of the prayer traps and whisper a thank you to God for my many blessings. Another prayer trap I use is simply waking up. After I become conscious and before I get out of bed, I try to remember to thank God for the morning and murmur "This is a day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." My friend, Laury always lights a candle to her 'Merci Lady' in Cajarc, St. Cirq Lapopie, Cahors or where ever she finds her as a thank you for her many blessings. Do you use prayer traps to remind yourself to pray? How do you thank God?

Shutting Out the World

I snapped this photo on my visit to Calvignac in September. It's not unusual to find modern art installations in rather strange places in France; that this one was at the entrance of a beautiful medieval village did not surprise me. While it wasn't particularly beautiful, I felt compelled to get a few pictures of it; I was reminded of those photos last weekend at my Centering Prayer meeting. As we settled to begin the prayer session, three people in the group took off their glasses and put them on the table in the center of our circle. It struck me that I take my glasses off as well when I pray, and I began to ponder that. Which was NOT a good thing, since during Centering Prayer one is supposed to let all thoughts go and not engage in them. Anyway...why do we take our glasses off to pray? I believe that it's a symbolic way of disengaging from the world and of turning within. If you can't see the busy-ness of the world, you can't be distracted by it when you pray. Sometimes I even need to put my hands over my eyes to help me focus; if I'm wearing my glasses, I can't do that. What helps you shut out the world when you pray? Do you remove your glasses? Do you darken the room? Lock the door? Take the phone off the hook? How do you follow Jesus' command: "Whenever you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father in private?"

Merci Lady

Since I'm not Catholic, many of the saints, customs, and ceremonies that I encountered as I visited the churches of France last month had little meaning for me other than simply being beautiful. Laury introduced me to one of her rituals, however, that made so much sense that I've decided to adopt it. She has her favorite Merci Ladies at each of the churches in her area. The Merci Lady is, of course, the Virgin Mary, but a statue of her that usually stands alone, dressed simply as a blessed and faithful woman. No fancy robes or crowns of glory; no Infant or dying Christ in her arms. She stands waiting to help, open to your prayers. Laury always lights a candle and says a prayer of thanks, a merci prayer to this woman of God. Once I started looking for the Merci Lady, I saw her in every church. And I, too, would light a candle and say a prayer of thanks...for friendship, for opportunity, for all the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. Do you have a ritual to offer thanks to God? Do you have a Merci Lady in your spiritual life?

This lovely Merci Lady stands in the 15th century church at St.-Cirq-Lapopie.

What Color is Your House?

It's a cold, snowy day in Iowa. I looked out my window this morning onto a world of grey and white...early winter had arrived. To lighten my spirits, I decided to blog about colorful Collioure at Musings from Red Bell Farm. And sure enough, I left home headed to church for our Centering Prayer workshop with summer in my heart. God's blessing of a wonderful trip to France provided me with yet another blessing with its memory on this dreary Iowa day. As I walked into church, I was immediately captured by colors on the wall. The pre-school class had painted lively pictures of their houses and hung them for all to see.

Hearts filled with God's love, these little ones paint their world and their houses with vibrant color. When I ignore God's loving presence or forget to be grateful for His many blessings, my world becomes sad and grey, and my heart becomes heavy. By offering my gratitude in prayer, I welcome God's vibrancy back into my life. My house is full of bright color. Is your heart filled with God's love? Is your world cold and dreary? Could remembering God's blessings fill you with colorful gratitude? What color is your house today?

How To Pray...

I received an email from a friend yesterday that contained a link to an online presentation about how to pray. If you're interested, you can click the link and watch the video. I have to admit that this is not the type of video I would normally watch. It feels a bit like those tele-evangelist programs you see on TV and yes, Dr. Price does ask for money to help him with his ministry. Once I got past that initial hesitancy, however, I found the presentation fascinating. Dr. Price preaches well; he teaches well. And his audience is obviously engaged...everyone has a Bible, is taking notes, and responds to Dr. Price's questions. I appreciated the lesson he taught and loved the energy he inspired. I also am a firm believer in occasionally moving outside my comfort zone in exploring faith. Dr. Price and his congregation are certainly not part of my normal routine. Whether I choose to pray as he instructed is not the point. The message he preached is important. You have to invite God into your life. You have to be grateful for His blessings. You have to 'speak' your faith whether you do that through words, song, creativity, actions or charity. You don't keep your faith inside...it has to be shared in some way; faith is you and God and community. And then when you ask God to answer your prayers, look out! For as Elizabeth said in last evening's homily: "Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, for ever and ever. Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21. Italics are mine) God will do more in your life than you could ever imagine and answer your prayers in ways more abundant than you dream.

A Prayerful Experience

I experienced a unique prayer opportunity this past Tuesday. I belong to the St. Timothy's prayer group which means I receive prayer requests from our faith community and include them in my daily prayer practice. One of the other things the prayer group does is send a representative to the church's monthly Vestry meeting. The Vestry in the Episcopal Church is like the Presbyterian Session or the Methodist Church Board...they are the elected members of the congregation who assist the Rector in running the business of the church. These were my instructions from Bev:
"The vestry meets in the chapel where the prayer group gathers.
Arrive a little early…grab a chair and find a comfortable spot a bit away from the
meeting…or sit in a nearby Sunday School room.If you need help getting
settled…ask Karen Voss or one of the clergy.
Bring along a Bible,
Prayer Book or other God-centered reading. Invite God’s presence and guidance at
the meeting and then you can read for a while. I especially enjoy reading the
evening prayer and Compline services at vestry meetings."

I wondered if it would feel strange to be there sort of 'lurking' outside the meeting, but still within earshot. It didn't feel weird at all; I felt very engaged even though I really couldn't hear much of the discussion. I could tell when they would begin a new topic and each time I would pray for God to support them and guide their decisions. I did read both the Vespers and the Compline services in the Book of Common Prayer; I also prayed for each individual member of the group to be open to God's words for them. It felt like I was a intimate part of the gathering with an important gift to offer.

I couldn't help but think how comforting it would be to have someone praying for me during the painful meetings that I both attend and preside over at work. While I always ask God for guidance, I would feel so strengthened by the prayers of another during those stressful times.

This is a little story that Bev included in her email instructions:

"Prayer Representative at Vestry Meetings: When my little grandson, Benjamin, was 3 years old he would put a stuffed animal in the doorway of his bedroom before he jumped into bed. When I asked my son about this he said that Benjamin was afraid of wolves but when he posted a stuffed animal there by the door to watch and protect him from the wolves he was able to sleep peacefully. This is kind of like a prayer representative at a vestry meeting. We go and pray and watch and ask God to join us in watching and to provide protection and guidance. There is more peace for everyone knowing that there is a team there watching and protecting against wolves and other bad dogs that might be lurking."