The Right Door?

A door has opened in my life very unexpectedly. I blogged about it yesterday over at "Musings from Red Bell Farm." I've been praying quite a bit lately for God's will for my life to be made more clear. This door is not the answer I expected...or wanted. It's a bit disappointing and actually feels like it is taking me even further away from my dreams, entangling me even more in something that is neither fulfilling nor moving me toward what I really want to do. It's not something, however, that I have much choice about, so I accepted its challenge, graciously on the outside; not so graciously on the inside! I guess this is where the going gets tough, huh? It's easy to be faithful when life is going my way and much harder when it's not. I want to believe that God is leading me in the best direction, that He has glorious plans, that my dreams will come true. I want to believe... Like the father of the child possessed by the unclean spirit, I cry "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

Doubt

My daily routine includes time each morning to journal and read a brief devotion. I especially like weekend mornings as I have the luxury of time to really dig into my thoughts. Today, however, my journal could have been written by my favorite disciple, Peter. I wrote three questions to myself and after each question...'doubtful!' While I didn't actually deny that God is able to help me accomplish anything, I wasn't as strong in my faith as I should have been. Then I moved on to the devotion from Mark 4:35-41. It's the story of Jesus and the disciples being caught in a boat in a huge storm. The disciples are fearful until Jesus commands the sea and wind to "be still." Then He scolds the group saying..."Why are you afraid? Have you no faith.?" Like Peter, when I'm afraid, I begin to doubt and deny. I forget that God works miracles every day. This morning God 'whispered' to me once again through my words and through the words of Scripture...don't doubt, have faith, there's no need to fear. I'm holding you.