Merry Christmas!

My home computer is still in the shop, but will wish you a Merry Christmas from work! Thanks to Google for the lovely image of Notre Dame.

Explanation

I'm having home computer problems and will post again when I get the darn thing fixed!

Meeting God

I frequently connect to a website called ExploreFaith.org. One of its recent essays challenged readers to think about in what circumstances they would like to meet God. As I meditated on this question...

"I found myself in the high mountains sitting on a big rock by a dancing stream, its waters icy cold from fresh snowmelt. As it skips over rocks spraying me with sparkling droplets, I am washed clean.Wrapped in warm, comfortable clothes, my feet are bare. There is nothing to distract me from God's awesome presence. He approaches me, a Source of sublime energy, loving kindness and peace. His presence makes holy the sacred ground on which we both stand, and I feel this holy energy enter my body through my feet. It seeps into every cell of my being. He puts His arm around my shoulder; we walk through a high alpine meadow carpeted with sweet-smelling purple lupine. Gently leading me up a small rise, we stand at last overlooking the river delta below. Arm still around my shoulder, God raises His other arm and points...Evelyn, there is the path I want you to follow. See it there? Go forth in love and live my will for your life. Then...He is gone."

I do as He instructs.

A New Church continued....

The Next Time

and the next….
each visit is easier.
I learn where to hang my coat,
I find the bathrooms.
The gospel side feels right.
I remember how good it feels
to kneel in prayer
after Communion.
I know when to pull the kneeler down.
Thank God…
it’s ‘trepass’ and ‘trepasses’
not ‘debts’ and ‘debtors.’
I still don’t know how to bow or
when to make the Sign of the Cross,
or even if I should.
But I have my offering ready;
I don’t have to fumble.

These people of God
wander the whole church
Passing the Peace.
I venture a row or two only.
I still lose my place in the liturgy
if I don’t focus.
But the Peace of Christ lingers
longer and longer
each time.
I look forward to each next time.
Now when Mary or Elizabeth send us forth
to do God’s work in the world,
I feel ready.

Late summer 2008

A New Church

A New Church

I drive into the parking lot
the first car there.
I hate being late
especially to a new place.
Gradually the faithful filter in
I follow them in the back door,
up the stairs, along the hall
to the sanctuary.
I pick up the readings,
the bulletin.
I scan the room.
“I’ll walk up the side aisle,
the gospel side.
Don’t sit in someone’s special pew.”
A slight bow
I see others doing it.
I sit.

Should I pull out the kneeler?
Should I pray?
Should I cross myself?
No-
mark the hymns
open the Book of Common Prayer..
No—
that’s the hymnal or something else—
here it is—
mark the liturgy
read the announcements
I watch others arrive from the
corner of my eye.

I look around the sanctuary
there are two walls of windows
little stained glass crosses
march across each one.
The brick wall behind the altar
holds a tall, slender wooden cross.
Candles are lit.
The priest arrives.
All stand.
Readings, prayers, hymns,
kneeling, crossing.
Finally the message.
Ah!
relax, listen, feel the
peace of Christ enter.
It floods my heart.
I soften.

All too soon we
pass the plate
pass the Peace
pass the Body and Blood of Christ.
A blessing
a prayer to send the flock forth.
Shake hands.
I find my way out,
wander down the hall
descend the stairs,
shuffle across the icy parking lot.

An hour of anxiety in
a new church;
ten minutes of God’s
Peace and Presence.

Written late winter 2008

Confirmation

Today I was received by Confirmation into the Episcopal Church as a member of St. Timothy's Episcopal Church. The Right Reverend Alan Scarfe presided over the service, assisted by Rev. Mary and Rev. Elizabeth. Bev was my sponsor; she and Dottie stood with me as the Bishop laid hands on my head and confirmed me. My heart is overflowing with the love and welcome that this church has bestowed on me. I am truly blessed to have been directed to St. Tim's. This is what the pewter plaque says:

"Confirmed in Christ

Strengthen me, O Lord

with your Holy Spirit.

Empower me for your service

And sustain me all the days of my life.

Amen"

Benediction

"The Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make his face to shine

upon you, and be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up his countenance

upon you, and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26

This was in my last envelope from Bev. I love this benediction; I always feel so blessed by it. Who knew it was from Numbers? I looked it up, and it's something God told Moses to say to Aaron and his sons. Known as the Aaronic Blessing, it reassured the people of Israel that God was with them. The people would know that because the Lord God 'made His face to shine upon' them that they had found favor with Him. When God turned His face away from them, they knew they were in trouble, that He was no longer protecting them.

Those were the days, huh? God spoke directly to folks then, making his guidance and thoughts very, very clear. I wish sometimes He would speak this clearly to me!

Angels

Do you believe in angels? I do. I believe that sometimes angels come to me in the people I meet. Sometimes angels are present during experiences that I have. Often angels whisper God's words in my ear. There are times that I write something poignant or put together an elegant poem; when I go back to read it later, I'm amazed. Surely, it wasn't me who wrote that...it was God's angels who spoke those lovely words to me. Occasionally, an angel gives me a nudge in God's direction. There are times when that nudge is more like a kick in the backside. "Oh yeah...now I get it!" I'm sure the angels whom God sends into my life get a bit frustrated with me and my utter lack of understanding! Do they, like Clarence in "It's a Wonderful Life," plead to be taken off my case? Do they rejoice when I, like Jimmy Stewart who finally understands and shouts with joy over Zuzu's petals, finally get it? Hopefully, they get a 'job well done' from my Creator when that happens....they work awfully hard. Bells should be ringing all over God's Heaven!

My verse from my prayer partner today is from Joshua 1:9. "Be strong and of good courage; be not frightened, neither be dismayed; for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

What Bev adds is: "We move from state to state, from job to job, and church to church and God is always there. He guides and guards and brings us peace.' I believe He uses angels to help Him do that.

The lovely porcelain holy water font is from a collection that graces the living room wall of La Treille, the B & B in Goult where I stay. I'll share more of them another time.

Holy Spirit

"Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in us the fire of your love."

I took this picture in a Paris church. I lit candles and whispered prayers for those I love more than once as I explored the churches of Paris. In St.-Germain-des-Pres I lit a candle to Ste. Anne and prayed for the well-being of my friend, Anne. I lit a tiny votive in Notre Dame and prayed for my family. What is it about lighting candles? I know that the Catholic Church has its own explanation for why Catholics do this, but why do I participate in this ritual so foreign to my Protestant upbringing? I believe the answer is in the Holy Spirit Prayer above: lighting a candle is symbolic of the Spirit's kindling the fire in my heart and expressing the love of God. As Bev said in her note: 'I pray that your experience at St. Timothy's has helped to kindle the fire of God's love in you.'

It has...amen.

Envelope #2

"For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37. Bev wants me to know that "I do believe that nothing is impossible with God and that God doesn't call the qualified...God qualifies those called. Whatever God is calling you to do...He will help to make it happen." What is God calling me to do? I feel very called to become a member of St. Timothy's. I also feel called to be of service in some way; God hasn't pushed me in the exact direction of that just yet. He does continue to nudge me to write and create with words. When I dream of ways to write for a living, to live a literary life in France and to spend time with family in Montana, I come up with deadends and obstacles, and a myriad of reasons why that will never happen. Then I look at my photos of the beautiful, soaring stained glass windows of Ste. Chapelle. Who would have thought man could create such beauty? Did the artisans who created these wonderful three story works of art question whether they would be able to complete this magnificent project? Did they feel qualified to do God's work in the world? All things are possible with God!

An Everlasting Rock

I received an envelope in Friday's mail that contained 5 sealed smaller envelopes. I opened the envelope labeled #1 and found a Bible verse on a square of yellow paper accompanied by a slip of paper bearing a note from Bev, the woman who chairs the Prayer Group at church. Bev had offered to be my prayer partner as I move towards being received in the church on Dec. 7th. My first prayer was based on Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." My message from Bev: "The everlasting Rock is a firm foundation for your life. The wise woman builds her house upon the Rock...and I believe that you are a wise woman." As I meditated on those words, this photo came to mind. This house in Goult is built firmly on the bedrock of the mountain. See how strong it looks. It feels eternally supported by the rock it rests on. The house seamlessly becomes one with its foundation, its rock. This is what I want my faith to become....strong, firm, eternal, resting on my Rock, secure that I am doing His will in the world, feeling seamlessly at one with my Creator.

Doubt

My daily routine includes time each morning to journal and read a brief devotion. I especially like weekend mornings as I have the luxury of time to really dig into my thoughts. Today, however, my journal could have been written by my favorite disciple, Peter. I wrote three questions to myself and after each question...'doubtful!' While I didn't actually deny that God is able to help me accomplish anything, I wasn't as strong in my faith as I should have been. Then I moved on to the devotion from Mark 4:35-41. It's the story of Jesus and the disciples being caught in a boat in a huge storm. The disciples are fearful until Jesus commands the sea and wind to "be still." Then He scolds the group saying..."Why are you afraid? Have you no faith.?" Like Peter, when I'm afraid, I begin to doubt and deny. I forget that God works miracles every day. This morning God 'whispered' to me once again through my words and through the words of Scripture...don't doubt, have faith, there's no need to fear. I'm holding you.

Defintion of God

What is God?
God is Beauty, is Creation, is Love
Is Truth, is Light is Hope, Is Comfort, is Justice

Greet the Day!

I read someplace that it's good to greet each new day with a positive attitude. The Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh recommends that upon awakening, a person should smile, thus setting the tone for a pleasant day. I find it hard to smile when I'm barely awake, but I do try to remember to murmur...."This is a day that the LORD hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24 KJV) While I always believe that the LORD made the day, some days it's very hard to rejoice and be glad. I keep trying, though.

How I Got From There to Here

Last Christmas I was talking with a friend about my need to read something light. I had just finished reading "The Innocent Man" by John Grisham, and although it was a really good book, it was also very tense and dark. She suggested that I try Jan Karon's "Mitford" books...so I did. And was immediately hooked! I read them all. One thing in every book that delighted me was Father Timothy's ability to pray so beautifully and eloquently. Maybe it was something about being Episcopalian??? I've shared that I've been on a spiritual search, and this seemed like a 'sign.' I Googled Episcopal churches in the central Iowa region and found 3 or 4 listed. But the one that caught my eye was St. Timothy's Episcopal Church in West Des Moines. The name plus the fact that they had 3 services spanning Saturday and Sunday appealed to me. I love having a choice. I made my first visit in March and have attended regularly since. I knew very little about Episcopalians before this year, but I can tell you that even though I've been a member of both Methodist and Presbyterian churches, this church feels like home. It totally makes sense to me. I love the traditions and liturgy; the people of the church community are geniunely friendly and hospitable; the church does good stuff in the community. It feels like home enough that I will be received by the Bishop into the church on Dec. 7th. Who knew a novel recommended by a friend would lead me to from 'there to here?'

Poem of One-ness

8/25/06

There are times—usually in the soft stillness of a starlit night—
When I feel a sense of one-ness with all Creation.
I hold my breath wanting not even the slight movement or the sound of breathing
To interrupt the quiet and the magic spell of God’s Spirit.
That Spirit holds me enraptured with the trees and leaves, the deer and fawn,
The night birds and crickets.
We all soak in Gods’ love and peace and
Collectively exist by His Grace.Together we sigh and sing praise

Dona Nobis Pacem

For the past several years I've been on a spiritual search. I won't use the word 'journey' because it's a word that has been so over-used recently that it truly turns me off. I see myself as more of a seeker anyway....someone who is seeking meaning in what seems like a very meaningless world. Today I had an epiphany. It suddenly struck me that chronicling my discoveries and thoughts would be a good way of making sense of it all, and voila, this blog was born. Dona Nobis Pacem translates to 'give us peace.' It's also a piece of music that our church choir sang as a round one Advent season. I love the 16th century music as well as the message it conveys. Check back often...I'll be sharing thoughts, questions, poetry and images about things that push my spiritual buttons.